Preconceived ideas about 'what women want' often ends in such a negative attitude in dating, and this affects self-presentation, interactions and consequently success. Two of the most common complaints I've heard are: 'girls only want hot guys' and (in the case of online dating) 'they are only interested in the photo'. I can't agree with these. Let's take a moment to see what psychological studies have found about how women act online. You don't have to take just my word for it.
What women want is definitely the basis of a lot of psychological studies. A study by Foire and Donath (2005) investigated what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that women were significantly more attracted to older more educated men with higher levels of self-confidence than simple 'good looks'. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys.
And it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile, according to Foire, et al. (2008). For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. They argue that 'this first set of analysis points to the importance of having both an attractive photo and an attractive free-text component in order to have an attractive profile.'
But the real secret about what women want in a mate? Honey, it's all relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: Men and women preferred better-looking partners, but men indicated a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So, the women wanted hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men in that they preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, again men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Unlike height, income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one. Both men and women preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Interestingly, both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
What women want is definitely the basis of a lot of psychological studies. A study by Foire and Donath (2005) investigated what women considered 'attractive' in an online profile. They found that women were significantly more attracted to older more educated men with higher levels of self-confidence than simple 'good looks'. Clearly, women do not just want hot guys.
And it's not just the photograph that makes for an attractive profile, according to Foire, et al. (2008). For a profile to be judged as above average in attractiveness, it needed an appealing self-summary along with a photo. They argue that 'this first set of analysis points to the importance of having both an attractive photo and an attractive free-text component in order to have an attractive profile.'
But the real secret about what women want in a mate? Honey, it's all relative.
To investigate what people were really looking for (as opposed to what they claimed to be looking for), Hitsch, et al. (2010) followed the choices of thousands of online daters. Then they listed what most women preferred in different categories.
Age: Women prefer men who are their age or up to 9 years older. Young was less preferred, and anything 10+ years younger or older was even less preferred.
Looks: Men and women preferred better-looking partners, but men indicated a much stronger preference about looks than women. (So, the women wanted hot partners?)
Weight: Women had a very different preference regarding weight than men in that they preferred partners with a higher BMI (Body Mass Index) than their own, but disliked men with a lower BMI. However, again men have a much stronger preference about weight than women. (And you wonder why we are self-conscious about our weight!)
Height: No preference was shown for absolute heights of potential partners, it was all relative. Women preferred men who were taller than them, and were not interested in men shorter. (So short men, you don't have to despair, you just need to find someone shorter than yourself.)
Income: Unlike height, income preference was on an absolute level, not a relative one. Both men and women preferred a high-income partner over a low-income one, though this preference is stronger in women. The largest increase in being contacted was in the $50k - $75k range, and smaller increases from then on.
Education: Interestingly, both men and women showed a preference for partners with a similar level of education, regardless of what that level was.
Occupation: This had a strong influence on women's preferences. Using 'student' as a baseline, the study found that the top four occupations were 'Legal/Attorney', then 'Law Enforcement/Fire fighter', then 'Military' and finally the health professions. Obviously it's not just about your pay packet, though a uniform appears to help.
Race: While it might feel politically incorrect to say, in both men and women there was a same-race preference, though it was more pronounced in women.
Similarity: Finally, in other aspects such as marital status, type of relationship goals, smoking etc., there was a preference for similarity. If the woman was a smoker, she preferred smokers, etc.
Based on this evidence, it is not reliable to say 'all women want...' because a lot of it is relative to their situation. So you first need to work out who your ideal woman is to find out if you might be her ideal man and how to show her this.
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