Saturday, April 5, 2014

Reasons Why People Choose To Attend Couples Counseling

By Pat Skeats


Sometimes a relationship can suffer strain if there are stressful life events happening. This may be due to financial difficulties, such as a job loss, a breakdown of communication or someone suffering from an illness. This may also be due to insecure attachments, jealousy, anger or interference from third parties. These are just some of the problems that couples counseling tries to tackle.


When there are changes in a family such as financial difficulties, physical health, or problems with other family members, this can have a serious and negative influence on the way that individuals respond in a relationship. In many cases it is not just one person who is at fault. One principle that is taught in relationship therapy is that it takes both people to create a problem and so both must try to manage the problem.

Such exchanges happened infrequently in marital interactions, however, they could not predict whether the marriage would succeed or not. In addition, a 1984 study conducted in Munich showed that reflective listening did not help people to improve their marriage. Instead, therapy that is emotionally focused and based on attachment theory uses emotions to target conflict and bring about change.

Many psychologists believe that instead of learning how to argue better and analyze past mistakes, it is more productive for both people to recognize and admit that they are emotionally attached to their partner and dependent on them the same way that a child is dependent on a parent. The basis of this dependence is a need for nurturing protection from another person.

A licensed relationship therapist may rely on psychiatrists, social workers and pastoral counsellors for help in treating married people. The duty of a relationship therapist is to listen to and respect their clients. The therapist must understand them and seek to facilitate a better functioning relationship between the partners. They must provide confidential dialogue which is sensitive to the feelings of each person. They should enable each individual to be heard and speak about their feelings.

Rather than trying to make decisions for the couple, the relationship therapist should seek to empower them. They must feel confident enough to take control of their lives and make important decisions on their own. The end goal is simply to improve communication so that they learn how to do this.

The basic job of a therapist includes identifying any repetitive, negative cycles of behavior in the relationship. They must strive to understand what the source of the negative emotions is that consistently shows up. Ultimately, the therapist should seek to foster a secure attachment between the individuals to help maintain intimacy in the relationship. Some of the core principles of relationship therapy are respect and empathy for each person and tactful behavior at all times.

Psychologists have observed that active listening helps to create a safe environment to allow criticism to be heard and dealt with. Many listeners often feel overwhelmed by criticism and so tend to avoid such encounters. Some psychologists believe that people are biologically programmed to be defensive towards criticism. Therefore, the goal is to train the listener to interpret criticism as love and not necessarily as something abusive.




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