Relationship Success

Relationships that are mutually satisfactory and beneficial to both parties on the list of "need" for all. However, many of us end up "want" in this section. We asked, 

"Who can I talk?"
"Why do not (is, are) cooperate with me?"
"From you understand?"
"Why do I feel frustrated and that bothers me in this relationship?"
"How can we stop fighting and start enjoying each other?"
"How do I know if this relationship is right for me?"
"Who cares?"
"Who can I trust to build a relationship that will last over time?" 

And so on. 

The existence of these relationships - we can look around and see for ourselves. How can we maximize the possibility that we may have in our lives - whether to create or start to do things to increase the likelihood that we will provide the parties involved in what everyone wants? 

And based on all labor relations best thing: consensual. What this means is that both parties have entered into and stay there by his own will and accord. 

True often in life that relationships begin without this key element - may have been transferred to the parties by the external conditions, as it happens to work in the same office, for example, or a wedding comfort or anything else. 

But without any consensual relationship laid the foundation stone. Gradually, can develop successful relationships of reciprocity with the passage of time to the parties to "buy." They exercise their right to choose and decide to participate on their own, and therefore a significant increase in the probability that the relationship is mutually satisfactory and beneficial. 

Failure to achieve mutual consent is a major source of friction and heartache in relationships. Perhaps a person is looking, unstructured, for example, having a casual relationship, while the other wants to consistently and commitment. Or maybe they had consensual is a need to update before - perhaps the children have grown and gone, and changed the priorities of each partner. However, there is clearly what they want, or maybe you say, but everyone clings to the hope that will change others. 

In some cases, and the parties do not reach an agreement based on mutual respect, and everything seems to be working well for some time. But things begin to unravel. What often happens in these cases is what is referred to by Eric Berne, MD, a psychiatrist and founder of analytical parameters. I spent a life study of what happens between people (and this is the reason why the so-called transactional analysis social psychiatry or social psychology.) "There is writing secret in the contract of marriage," he said, "between the parts of a small internal or children of the bride and groom. Every future husband in as director of casting. looking for the man who best lead actress playing the role of pre-and request your script and a woman seeking a man wearing suitable to play a role in it. " (In what you say when you say hello. York, Grove Press, 1971.) 

Of course, this situation is not limited to married couples - can be formed of all types of relationships by children of stakeholders hidden desires. But whatever the nature of the relationship, the problem is that none of the parties is aware of what they are doing and why they do it. It's like giving with the other person's emotional work, but never to what is achieved or the consent of the other person says. His work is (always make me look good, and I see, and I do not feel abandoned, I protect my fear of rejection, and I see, and I do not feel alone, I keep distracted from the abyss of emotional pain and keep out of their reach, and to provide a steady supply of good things - foods and sweets, and experience, and sex, and the flow of the conversation, or even drama) 

One of the most useful things to do in this case is to bring goodness and kindness, making this a dynamic awareness. In fact, this is true in many cases, the people who make these requests unconscious in the relationship does not want to stick with them when they represent its interest. 

This simple awareness of friction in itself change and instability. Who was disguised and current control is open and subject to new elections. Partners are now able to take steps in their relationship according to their desires and needs of adults. Now they are once again in the relationship as consenting adults who are aware of what they want and what motivates them. No longer in private households in them through their problems unresolved childhood I am free to create the relationship you want adults. 

What is the message that can be drawn from all this? Three things. 

1). Located in the agreement. If the relationship did not start that way and want to continue to work at the moment. 

2). Meet the expectations of today's hidden. Try to make your friend or life partner to increase the mother or father, but there was no need, is a recipe for disaster. Do you already have the parents that I had, and now you're an adult. And if you succeed in the implementation of this program was in its infancy in a sexual relationship, become incestuous. Instead, find ways to share their stories of their pain and their relationship with the fashion conscious, and considered instead of subconscious sabotage his requests. 

3). Update your relationship agreements. Priorities change with the passage of time, thus preserving the agreements your relationship with them. Treat them as a continuous process and not a task and forget them.